Or Perhaps Not...

Good Bye, Japan. Hello, West Coast.

His orders changed.

He called me up and had me take a guess at where we were going. By the end of the conversation, 3 things were established. I'm not very good at the Guessing Game, I'm pretty good at "Elimination", and we're headed to the west coast.

It's actually been more than a week since finding out, but I've just been distracted staring at boxes and realizing I should throw some stuff out.

I don't understand why there's so much to do, with so little time, when I really don't have much to do, and more time than I need.

I'm sitting with information and stressing over nothing. I've moved 1000 times. I keep telling myself it can't be that different.

Should Have Guessed.

"I have good news and bad news. What do you want first?" he told me a few days ago.
"Bad news." I replied.
"You won't be able to see your friends or family for 3 years."
"Lol how is that bad news? What's the better news?" (It's not that I dislike them, I just spend my time isolated anyway and close with only a few family members)
"We're going to Okinawa." 

At that moment 2 things crossed my mind, "OH MY GOSH WERE GOING TO OKINAWA!!" and of course "Wait, who's we?" because the realization set in "We" might not include me. A thousand questions and couple hours later, it did in fact include me and not a ton of information was had.

I've been sitting on this information for a couple days. Thinking. Reflecting.

I put myself through a rush to redo my resume and get in job applications before deadlines in a couple states. VA mostly. I looked at houses and made plans, estimated distances and thought I had it all figured out. I guess this is the part where I say "At least I learned something." Which I did. I feel accomplished on my research still. The problem however, is research starts again at square 1. Overseas.

I trash my papers, my research, job listings and house listings, and spend all day reading Overseas PCS information.

When we originally talked about Okinawa, I wasn't going with him. I wouldn't be allowed to (According to rumors) and things would stay the same. I'd continue to work changing flights from every month to every other as the plane ticket doubled in price. You'd think I'd know by now, he being in for almost a year, that nothing is definite and never listen to rumors. Except of course, when the "rumors" might be true.

Instead of "Where will I work?" "What housing can I find?" "How much is there to do?" "Is there a zoo around?" "What am I packing?" All I can think of now, running through my head on repeat is "Ahhh!" I'm not afraid. I've traveled over seas and moved constantly all my life. I get fussy sitting in one place longer than 4-5 years. I just feel like all control was surrendered, and there's nothing I can do to preoccupy myself. I can't really DO anything productive and that's whats getting to me.

There is a question that plagues me though. Three, actually. One of them being "What if I can't go?" The second "What if I never see them again?" I know its only 3 years. That actually isn't too long. It is however, extremely long when contemplating my doggies age. He's 16. He acts like he's still in pretty good health but I know he's getting up there. I love that dog more than a lot of things as he's been there the majority of my life. I keep thinking of his age, and my grandpa whos rounding 90. My grandpa I worry slightly less about, because I when I move out, he moves in.

This brings me to my third question. "When do I quit my job?" Do I quit sooner, than later and spend the time visiting my Grandpa? Bothering my doggy? Spending time with my Mother? Maybe even visit a few family members in California. Or do I stay as long as I can, saving up what extra money I can? When do I stop working? How soon is too soon to give notice? My boss and co-workers have been aware of this for a while now. I've been leaving them with unanswered questions.

Too Many Eggs.

I've heard time and time again, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

That's exactly what I'm doing. Sitting here with a pile of "eggs" making way to many plans for something that's so indefinite.

Here I am looking at houses and making plans, and everything is still up in the air. What if he goes to Oki? What if all these plans are shot because he goes over seas and I stay here and continue to work, and things remain the same? Or... what if I under plan? What if he gets the base he put in for, and there aren't enough housing choices? I wasn't through? What if I'm terrible with time frames and my stuff should already be packed?

Panicking is what I do.
I do it quite well.

He told me last week he finds out this week. This week he said "Possibly this week, maybe next week."

The great thing about my odd little mind, is I can psych myself up for anything. I'm not sure if its "Looking on the bright side of things" or if it's just lying to myself until I believe it, but it happens quickly and it's a great feeling.

I'll just be here Submits more job applications, making a few more check lists, and planing out DIY projects.

I'm So Impatient.

It's still a bit before he has his orders, but I'm the type to always want to plan ahead. Sometimes I jump the gun way to early.

In front of me I have papers scattered on my desk, and PDFs saved all over my screen. I've been compiling items of information and forms on Base Housing, Apartments, and Homes to rent. I've also been bugging the few spouses I know for their input, but it still leaves me clueless.

So what am I doing all day? Looking for homes in the most likely locations of his duty station on and off base. Which I've decided is about 5/15 locations if I did my math and stats right. If a curve ball hits, and it's a base I didn't think of, I'll still have practice in locating places to live and what to look for.

Do I have any idea what I'm actually doing? No. No I don't... but I can pretend.

Plus it passes time at work and keeps me busy.

I think I need a new hobby.

Few More Days

I get to see him this weekend. Finally. It's only been about 2 months. I can't say I'm excited about his new location, he doesn't seemed to thrilled about it either, but I'm excited to see him. I can't really blame him. He's so used to stuff being one way, now he's surrounded by all new territory and things. In theory, all new Nouns. I think what bothers me at the moment is my lack of grasp on things.

I Google everything constantly. Usually have a general idea of what to expect when it comes to various things hes doing/will be doing. Had a grasp on his MOS. I could help with homework. Now I'm just over there twiddling my thumbs going "Uhh... what?" Gives us time though to work twords weight goals. I'm still calorie cutting and walking for an hour, while hes up at 0300 (My time) hitting the gym. Who does that? D:

I was telling him the other day that I get into feelings/state of mind where I don't see him as gone. I don't see him as in the Military. I get this overwhelming scene that he's just out rock climbing for hours like he used to and will be back later on. It's strange. Sometimes its like nothing has changed.

I think I'm just being weird.

Patience

It's driving me crazy.

He's mostly settled into his new location and I'm already counting down days til I can see him. It's really unlike me to think about someone non-stop. Do I miss the attention? You could say that. It's only been a week, so I should understand his new schedule soon enough.

I think the current place is good for him. Good for "us" despite me still being home. Lack of communication between us is giving us both time to work on our physical fitness.  I dropped about 15lbs for the wedding, and some how managed to gain it all back in a single weekend. Plus some. Maybe an extra 5. It felt like starting completely over (For the 90th time). I know I need to drop it and keep it off, so that's what I'm set out to do. Lose it a bit more "Slowly" per say for an easier time maintaining.  I wan't to drop 26lbs. He, in the mean time, is looking to gain about another 25. We have an agreement to just meet in the middle.

We'll see how this goes. I need to increase cardio soon.

I'm a Mrs. Now What?

What comes next?

Finally receive certificate of Marriage? Check.
Social Security name change? Check.
Update Licence? Ehh.. I have an 8 year one I forked over $70 for that won't expire for 6 more. Pass.
Update work information? I'll pass on that too.

Social Security Office was actually a breeze. I was technically finished in about 15-20 minutes including waiting in line to get in, waiting in line to check in, then waiting in line for a window. I watched other people fill the lobby I guess looking to obtain or replace a whole new one? Maybe?

I went prepared filling out the Application for Social Security Card form online. All the guy needed was the actual Marriage Certificate I brought and a valid ID. No parents socials, or signatures or anything like that. I found it kind of strange but didn't really question him. Maybe it was just to mail in.

I ended up running into an old friend doing security there and got overly excited. She was one of my favorite people to small talk with in the morning and was always so friendly. She remembered me first, and of course I remembered her. I feel like the other officers were just kinda all "What?..."

I guess Step 5 (Since I skipped 3 and 4) is DEERS/ID.

Then... am I done? With paperwork? At least til it comes time to living with him?
I feel like I am.