Or Perhaps Not...

Good Bye, Japan. Hello, West Coast.

His orders changed.

He called me up and had me take a guess at where we were going. By the end of the conversation, 3 things were established. I'm not very good at the Guessing Game, I'm pretty good at "Elimination", and we're headed to the west coast.

It's actually been more than a week since finding out, but I've just been distracted staring at boxes and realizing I should throw some stuff out.

I don't understand why there's so much to do, with so little time, when I really don't have much to do, and more time than I need.

I'm sitting with information and stressing over nothing. I've moved 1000 times. I keep telling myself it can't be that different.

Should Have Guessed.

"I have good news and bad news. What do you want first?" he told me a few days ago.
"Bad news." I replied.
"You won't be able to see your friends or family for 3 years."
"Lol how is that bad news? What's the better news?" (It's not that I dislike them, I just spend my time isolated anyway and close with only a few family members)
"We're going to Okinawa." 

At that moment 2 things crossed my mind, "OH MY GOSH WERE GOING TO OKINAWA!!" and of course "Wait, who's we?" because the realization set in "We" might not include me. A thousand questions and couple hours later, it did in fact include me and not a ton of information was had.

I've been sitting on this information for a couple days. Thinking. Reflecting.

I put myself through a rush to redo my resume and get in job applications before deadlines in a couple states. VA mostly. I looked at houses and made plans, estimated distances and thought I had it all figured out. I guess this is the part where I say "At least I learned something." Which I did. I feel accomplished on my research still. The problem however, is research starts again at square 1. Overseas.

I trash my papers, my research, job listings and house listings, and spend all day reading Overseas PCS information.

When we originally talked about Okinawa, I wasn't going with him. I wouldn't be allowed to (According to rumors) and things would stay the same. I'd continue to work changing flights from every month to every other as the plane ticket doubled in price. You'd think I'd know by now, he being in for almost a year, that nothing is definite and never listen to rumors. Except of course, when the "rumors" might be true.

Instead of "Where will I work?" "What housing can I find?" "How much is there to do?" "Is there a zoo around?" "What am I packing?" All I can think of now, running through my head on repeat is "Ahhh!" I'm not afraid. I've traveled over seas and moved constantly all my life. I get fussy sitting in one place longer than 4-5 years. I just feel like all control was surrendered, and there's nothing I can do to preoccupy myself. I can't really DO anything productive and that's whats getting to me.

There is a question that plagues me though. Three, actually. One of them being "What if I can't go?" The second "What if I never see them again?" I know its only 3 years. That actually isn't too long. It is however, extremely long when contemplating my doggies age. He's 16. He acts like he's still in pretty good health but I know he's getting up there. I love that dog more than a lot of things as he's been there the majority of my life. I keep thinking of his age, and my grandpa whos rounding 90. My grandpa I worry slightly less about, because I when I move out, he moves in.

This brings me to my third question. "When do I quit my job?" Do I quit sooner, than later and spend the time visiting my Grandpa? Bothering my doggy? Spending time with my Mother? Maybe even visit a few family members in California. Or do I stay as long as I can, saving up what extra money I can? When do I stop working? How soon is too soon to give notice? My boss and co-workers have been aware of this for a while now. I've been leaving them with unanswered questions.

Too Many Eggs.

I've heard time and time again, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

That's exactly what I'm doing. Sitting here with a pile of "eggs" making way to many plans for something that's so indefinite.

Here I am looking at houses and making plans, and everything is still up in the air. What if he goes to Oki? What if all these plans are shot because he goes over seas and I stay here and continue to work, and things remain the same? Or... what if I under plan? What if he gets the base he put in for, and there aren't enough housing choices? I wasn't through? What if I'm terrible with time frames and my stuff should already be packed?

Panicking is what I do.
I do it quite well.

He told me last week he finds out this week. This week he said "Possibly this week, maybe next week."

The great thing about my odd little mind, is I can psych myself up for anything. I'm not sure if its "Looking on the bright side of things" or if it's just lying to myself until I believe it, but it happens quickly and it's a great feeling.

I'll just be here Submits more job applications, making a few more check lists, and planing out DIY projects.

I'm So Impatient.

It's still a bit before he has his orders, but I'm the type to always want to plan ahead. Sometimes I jump the gun way to early.

In front of me I have papers scattered on my desk, and PDFs saved all over my screen. I've been compiling items of information and forms on Base Housing, Apartments, and Homes to rent. I've also been bugging the few spouses I know for their input, but it still leaves me clueless.

So what am I doing all day? Looking for homes in the most likely locations of his duty station on and off base. Which I've decided is about 5/15 locations if I did my math and stats right. If a curve ball hits, and it's a base I didn't think of, I'll still have practice in locating places to live and what to look for.

Do I have any idea what I'm actually doing? No. No I don't... but I can pretend.

Plus it passes time at work and keeps me busy.

I think I need a new hobby.

Few More Days

I get to see him this weekend. Finally. It's only been about 2 months. I can't say I'm excited about his new location, he doesn't seemed to thrilled about it either, but I'm excited to see him. I can't really blame him. He's so used to stuff being one way, now he's surrounded by all new territory and things. In theory, all new Nouns. I think what bothers me at the moment is my lack of grasp on things.

I Google everything constantly. Usually have a general idea of what to expect when it comes to various things hes doing/will be doing. Had a grasp on his MOS. I could help with homework. Now I'm just over there twiddling my thumbs going "Uhh... what?" Gives us time though to work twords weight goals. I'm still calorie cutting and walking for an hour, while hes up at 0300 (My time) hitting the gym. Who does that? D:

I was telling him the other day that I get into feelings/state of mind where I don't see him as gone. I don't see him as in the Military. I get this overwhelming scene that he's just out rock climbing for hours like he used to and will be back later on. It's strange. Sometimes its like nothing has changed.

I think I'm just being weird.

Patience

It's driving me crazy.

He's mostly settled into his new location and I'm already counting down days til I can see him. It's really unlike me to think about someone non-stop. Do I miss the attention? You could say that. It's only been a week, so I should understand his new schedule soon enough.

I think the current place is good for him. Good for "us" despite me still being home. Lack of communication between us is giving us both time to work on our physical fitness.  I dropped about 15lbs for the wedding, and some how managed to gain it all back in a single weekend. Plus some. Maybe an extra 5. It felt like starting completely over (For the 90th time). I know I need to drop it and keep it off, so that's what I'm set out to do. Lose it a bit more "Slowly" per say for an easier time maintaining.  I wan't to drop 26lbs. He, in the mean time, is looking to gain about another 25. We have an agreement to just meet in the middle.

We'll see how this goes. I need to increase cardio soon.

I'm a Mrs. Now What?

What comes next?

Finally receive certificate of Marriage? Check.
Social Security name change? Check.
Update Licence? Ehh.. I have an 8 year one I forked over $70 for that won't expire for 6 more. Pass.
Update work information? I'll pass on that too.

Social Security Office was actually a breeze. I was technically finished in about 15-20 minutes including waiting in line to get in, waiting in line to check in, then waiting in line for a window. I watched other people fill the lobby I guess looking to obtain or replace a whole new one? Maybe?

I went prepared filling out the Application for Social Security Card form online. All the guy needed was the actual Marriage Certificate I brought and a valid ID. No parents socials, or signatures or anything like that. I found it kind of strange but didn't really question him. Maybe it was just to mail in.

I ended up running into an old friend doing security there and got overly excited. She was one of my favorite people to small talk with in the morning and was always so friendly. She remembered me first, and of course I remembered her. I feel like the other officers were just kinda all "What?..."

I guess Step 5 (Since I skipped 3 and 4) is DEERS/ID.

Then... am I done? With paperwork? At least til it comes time to living with him?
I feel like I am.

The After Effect

I think everything was delayed.

All the overwhelming emotions, all the extreme amounts of happiness that seem to leak from my eyes, its all delayed. It's just now sinking in that I'm married to the love of my life and when I really stop to think about it, I get a bit emotional. 

I knew we were married, but it felt like a Birthday more then anything. It came, it was awesome, but it was last week and doesn't really set in. People would ask "What's it like being married?" or "How do you feel now that you're married?" And I'd respond with "Uhh... what?" I'd think to myself "Am I supposed to feel different?" I still don't really feel different, but a different reality has come into view. 

My life, rather Our Life, is changed forever. In Our future we'll have Our house. Our mess. Our pots and pans and dishes and a bed that we'll call ours. Our taxes will now be filed Married - Separate/Joined and everything else about our current life will slowly phase out.

That's where the different feeling comes in. It's a good feeling.

He is my Husband.
I am his Wife.

I've never smiled as much as I did while seeing him stand at the other end of the aisle.

Now back to all these forms to still fill out. 

Strength of Bonds

What I'd actually like to talk about is rings. Wedding Rings/Bands, and how tough they really are.

Since I was young I loved rocks. Rocks I found on the ground, or in the grass, and even sometimes the polished ones found in stores. That love of rocks turned into a love of gems and other precious stones. Later, as I grew older, it turned into a fixation with the minerals and metals around them. I don't call myself an expert by any means, but I do love reading up on them.

I wasn't too picky when It came down to my ring. He knew I wanted anything other than yellow gold. That leaves the 3 greater known materials. White Gold, Platinum, and my new favorite but hard to come by Palladium (Silver and Titanium are less common metals). I'm not gentle by any means and knew I'd need something that could possibly outlast my clumsiness. When it comes to his however, I dove head first into research.

After scaring myself with multiple pictures and reading about bands for males who work with their hands, I learned the dangers of the softer metal. Metals such as Gold tend to bend under pressure. They can bend around the finger, clamping down on the skin. If caught in something and pulled, it can have as much of an effect as "degloving" the finger. Not to be too graphic, but it's where the skin tears from the finger leaving sometimes just the bone with slight muscle. It scared me. Another horrible property is its high thermal conductivity, with low resistivity. It will complete a circuit and conduct heat that will leave a burn to scar you for life. Platinum, like gold, will also burn and bend, but not to the same degree.

I then turned to Tungsten and Ceramic. Tungsten has the highest melting point of any other metal and is amazing when it comes to heat resistant. The best property about it is when significant pressure is applied, it shatters. Its brittle enough to crack into parts and not have to be cut off in case of emergency. Ceramic is the same. The main difference between the two is Tungsten can come in all shades of metal from a shiny silver to a polished black, while ceramic is usually found white or black. Ceramic is scratch resistant, but if possibly damaged maintains its color and the scratch is nearly invisible.

The down fall to Tungsten and/or Ceramic is size. While other metals can be melted over and over again to resize as needed, Tungsten and Ceramic cannot. A lot of places offer a small fee to completely replace the ring, which isn't too bad considering the price of this metal/material is better priced for what you're getting vs the softer ones. I explained to him my logic behind my choice and filled his head with way more information actually needed. We both agreed on Ceramic, and I found a ring that matched both our tastes.

On the geekier side of things, I also had it engraved to say "Soulbound." You maybe thinking "aww that's kind of cute, how is that geeky?" It comes from World of Warcraft. Items marked "Bind on Equip" in game, become Soulbound and change in the item description, once equipped as an item.

"Soulbound is the property of an item that prevents it from being traded or mailed to another character or sold in the Auction House." 

He ended up with Black Ceramic. He Loved it.

From Ms. to Mrs.

It's an exciting step!

I get the feeling, I should feel a change. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely excited! I think I'm just going off stereotypes that there should be a change or something.

The wedding was everything I thought it'd be. There were a couple family members missing in attendance, but the parents were there and I think that's what really mattered to the both of us. It was small, it was cute, it was a little chilly and it was moving. He teared up a little, but he denies it. I think I took more pictures with my cell phone then the photographer or anyone else took. I got a little bit over excited.

I also, for the first time practically ever, wore a light colored dress. I love my darker colors and I always had it envisioned if I ever was to get married, Black dress with purple as an accent color. All that was tossed aside. I'm glad I wore white. I'm glad my accent color was red. I'm glad I was able to match him. To an extent at least.

So yeah. This is us :3 

Myself and my Other Half. 

I'm a Mrs!

P.S. Thursday night through Friday evening I had a cough that turned into just a runny nose and cold symptoms were gone by Saturday. That in itself made me quite happy :)

I'm Sick.

I might have brought it on myself.

Last week I was stressed with all of the planning. Over the weekend I noticed the engraving on his ring was incorrect. I've been calorie cutting on top of the other diet, and I started working out a little bit harder than I should. I think I stirred up the perfect recipe for a weak Immune System. I also don't really sleep. Maybe 4-5 hours a night during the work week just out of habit.

Started with sneezing. Then the Runny nose came. I thought "Oh, maybe its just allergies."
The sore throat then started followed by mucus (I know its gross) getting thick.
The sneezes made my throat burn with one of the worst feelings I've felt in a while.
Now I'm hit with nausea, slight temp elevation, and the urge to cough that I keep suppressing.

I'm pretty sure it's not allergies anymore :-\

It all started Saturday so we're about 4 days in. I've been downing 1/2 gallon of water a day which I know isn't much, but for me its a ton. I usually don't even drink water and find myself ignoring dehydration. I've also increased my Vitamin C intake to around 1,500-2000mg.

I hope it helps.

If not, there's always makeup to cover puffy eyes and redness, right?

Nobody at work knows I'm sick. I can hide it well. Worse comes to worse, maybe I can just hide it Saturday.

Is Getting Married Always This Hard?

It's a question I asked myself multiple times the past couple weeks.

All those last minute details, all the finalization, and of course the major fun part of getting after everyone about what not to do or bring.

The countdown is at 5 days and I'm definitely more excited than scared. Since almost everything is in order minus a few small things, I can finally take a moment for myself. I'm still unsure about which shoes to pick though.

I had a moment this weekend where I broke down, from I'm guessing stress, but everything seemed to be wrong and falling apart at the last moment. Something... odd.. happened at my podiatrist, My face was breaking out, my hair cut was horrible, the shoes I planned to buy were out of stock minus 1 size 8 (I'm a 10-11) and they lost my dress while it was getting cleaned. I pretty much lost my cool and broke into tears. I wasn't prepared for this at all. I'm definitely not the emotional type, there's just somethin' about wedding planning that gets to me.

Ya know, I can't even say it's hard. Just confusing and some what hectic.

The (Original) Date Is Set!

The date we wanted so long ago, but thought might be unattainable, is finally set!

          For this month.

                       Next Week.

All the planning was completed in a single weekend and I'm pretty sure I can pull it off. I think we both gave up on the date and were planning for end of March before he goes off for more training. Then, very slowly but surely, he got word it was alright to keep the date, and get hitched on his 96.

I haven't lost all the weight I've wanted. Actually, probably not even close. With diet alone (No exercise) I dropped 8lbs in the first week (I think cutting out Cheese for me was the biggest thing). Started to throw in Insanity and started trickling down again. What matters to me now, is the dress I want fitting. There's always Plan B of Spanx/Corset undergarments.

I've been thinking about venues since he was down on 1 knee. I've bounced all over the south west from New Mexico to Nevada, Colorado to California, and even threw in Texas. With everything constantly changing, I looked at venues from outside parks, to tree houses to even the Zoo. I was actually quite fond of the zoo. Him, not so much. We came to an agreement in Fabulous Las Vegas.

Part of me thinks its a little bit stereotypical. Early 20s, running off on a weekend to Vegas  Never would have thought I'd be getting married this young. Well, for me it seems young. Thought falling in love wouldn't smack me in the face til I was in my late 20s. Maybe 30s. However, I've never felt more ready.

I'm stuffing in appointments left and right for everything from a Dermatologist to Podiatrist. From Dress fittings to Hair. I've slacked on exercising Monday and Tuesday from being so exhausted. I already regret it. I would say maybe the extra running around helps a bit, but I'm driving everywhere and most appointments are just sitting there.

What I've been having the "Most Fun" with is his ring. I've done quite a bit of research on that too given his Military Profession, mixed in with his current MOS. I've had my eye on one for quite some time but Someone won't give me their ring size. Rather, Someone keeps forgetting to find out. Although it is high on my list, my days are filled with so much random stuff I forget to remind him! Not to sound sexist, but I've yet to find a Male that's excellent at reminding their-selves on things, not related to hobbies.

I keep telling myself Always Flexible. Although I've accepted it, I  haven't had a full grasp on the concept. I really should learn to always expect the unexpected. Just in case. 

Eep! It's That Friday Again!

I was in the middle of typing a blog about newly acquired information, then it hit me. It's Friday! The other post was turning somewhat into a ramble anyway.

Thanks to WifeOfASailor, My Friday has become interesting once again!

1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?
2 Words: Less Stressed. I love to worry about his opinions sometimes, even when I know most of the time its up to me anyway.

2. What was your favorite thing that happened in January? New  Years Kiss. Hands down.

3. What are you looking forward to in February?
Well, there’s always the obvious but I feel like a broken record. I think I’m just looking forward to getting into the routine of my life. This is just the third week of grad classes. Work, grad classes and the Reserves are hard to manage right now so I’m hoping to get into a routine.

4. What are your plans for Valentine’s Day? 
Working. Then taking off the next day for a life changing weekend, non-related to the Holiday. 

5. What is your best advice for a MilSpouse whose spouse is deployed for Valentine’s Day?I have zero experience in this area. At least for now. The emotion you feel probably comes down to how much the Holiday means to you. For me, Its most just another day. I plan to treat it as that.

Now I rush off to catch a plane!
February is looking like a good month :)

He Did It!

He received his orders today. Seems a little bit early but eh, what do I know?

It's more training and I couldn't be more proud of him. They took the top 2 of his class and he's on his way to another state once graduation hits. I'm beyond excited! The best part is he'll be with in driving distance! Not close driving, but drive-able non the less :)

Now the question.. is what does this mean for our wedding?
No deposits have been set, main reason being nothing ever stays the same. I think a few more options might have just opened up for us.

It's A Little Strange For Me

Meeting a "stranger" for lunch, I mean.

My guy has this best friend, Nighthawk (Weird story on that name). He's married to Mrs. Nighthawk (That's what I've been calling her anyway). She, being a new Marine wife, is constantly going by the "Semper Gumby" motto and is afraid to start anything new. In the past week, she made a decision I wish I could make. She decided one day after missing him so much, to drive across the US to 29 Palms.

I feel like I know her, with out knowing her, and only having a couple brief conversations with her. When I learned she was passing through the state I'm currently in, I thought "Hey, I should take her to lunch!" I've been on a ton of road trips and for me personally, the only thing that wakes me up and gets me back in the mood to drive is food. Maybe caffeine too.

I don't know much about her, honestly. Likes or Dislikes, food preferences, or even how old she is. I feel like I trust her more so than a lot of people I've constantly worked with for the past 8 months. In my mind, no person who sells on their stuff, to drive that far, to be with the one they love, not actually knowing how long they're staying there, can't be a bad person in my book.

My mission today is find a Pet Friendly (Her Cat), Gluten/Dairy Friendly (My diet) Restaurant close by where she's coming in from. Not sure when she'll actually be here, but I think it's pretty neat.

I Started a Diet.

One that's sure to get on my nerves fast.

Ive been back and forth between calorie counting and carb counting for a while, always trying to watch portion size. Now that I'm getting down to the final couple months to fit in a dress, I realize I'm not where I wanted to be.

With this new diet (Thanks to my Dr. Oz addicted Mom), You cut out 7 foods from your diet for 3 weeks. Doesn't sound too bad, right? It's horrible if you're like me, and addicted to cheese.

1. Corn
2. Dairy
3. Eggs
4. Gluten
5. Peanuts
6. Soy
7. Sugar

For 3 Weeks.

From what I understand, Goat Cheese is allowed along with Feta. The only things that'll save me. I haven't actually tried goat cheese yet, but I'll be picking some up today and give it a go. Last night was day 1 and it kind of made me realize how unhealthy all the food I eat is. I picked up a bottle of marinade, 2nd ingredient was High Fructose Corn Syrup. Found some Ketchup, Gluten there! Was digging through something to put in Tuna and found Sugar and Gluten everywhere! I'm starting to think this diet works because you can't eat 90% of the things in your house.

This is one of those times I laugh to myself thinking if he was home, his heavy appetite wouldn't be a bad thing. He could just eat everything I'm not allowed to, before I get to it. Its how it  usually works anyway, even with food I do want.

I'd honestly rather cut inches than weight, but seeing that scale number go down is never a bad thing. We'll see how this goes.

Friday Fill-In

Wow! Another month down already. Time is going by faster then I thought it would be. That or I'm just losing track. Either way! Time for another Friday Fill-In from WifeOfASailor

1. What’s one thing in the past month you would have changed?
Each time I see this question the thought that "If something was different, maybe thing wouldn't be as they are now." I end up overthinking it haha.

2. What was your favorite thing that happened in December?
Getting to see him over the Holiday season. During that time, we decided to re-live our middle school days (No idea why) and go Rollerskating with a few friends. 2 of us couldn't go too fast for the first hour, still trying to hold our balance, and another fell. A lot. I think it's safe to say my guy was the only one who could still look like he knew what he was doing, why trying to skate through the new generation of middle schoolers. Also, none of our requests were valid because "Backstreet Boys are too old," and "No one knows the Chicken Dance anymore." Was a good time though.

3. What are you looking forward to in January?
That cold January Weather! Starting a new diet, so hopefully some weightloss too.

4. What did you do for New Year’s Eve?
I spent a quiet night in with my guy. Got my first New Years kiss and cuddled all night watching Law and Order.

5. What are your hopes and wishes for 2013?
Plans won't have to be canceled as much. (Hey, I can dream, right?) I want the wedding to work out, and I'd be pretty content with just overall positiveness throughout 2013. That general happy feeling where I can continue to look on the bright side of things.

The Bickering

Another year to do it all again.

You know what's awesome? The small fights we have.
I don't say that sarcastically either.

The small fights, the little banter, the bickering back and forth... all of it are things that can be so easily put behind us because of the larger picture at hand. When ever I get to see him, spend any time with him, our arguments come from acknowledging that we both have opinions, but opinions that we come to terms with quickly, and understanding from one another.

I shouldn't call it a fight. More of a disagreement.
I feel like where the disagreements are going, the things we disagree about, shows we're committed, or else our opinion wouldn't be that strong. We had one a few days ago over Tea. Its a weird thing, I know, but Its something I can smile about later.

I know about Divorce rates.
I know more about Military Divorce rates.
I know that we're still pretty young, still have a lot to learn... but...
I know that I love him.
I know I can't stand to be with out him.
I know that he loves me.

The one thing I try and live by is to Never go to bed angry. To try stay up and talk it out no matter what hour it is. You'll probably be better off in the morning.

A good M.A. once said Marriage is "to help us finish childhood—to complete each other." That we unconsciously select the correct person for the job.

We fight sometimes, I belive everyone fights, and that's ok.